a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
