I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
