Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
