Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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