You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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