He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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