Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
