I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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