is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
