I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
whose parrot is this?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
