ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
