if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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