At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
