Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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