You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
