it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
