Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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