it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
