Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
