I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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