things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
smell my finger.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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