I am spending my child support on dildos
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
