I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
