i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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