4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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