Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
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Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
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If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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