i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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