Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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