his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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