They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
