btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
there is glitter all over my balls
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