How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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