I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
