Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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