I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Randomize
