ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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