just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Couch. On fire.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
