Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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