i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
