you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
