Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
