all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
only you would photoshop your dick
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
