The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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