last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
