...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
