she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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