so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
