WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
