I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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