Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
