What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
