Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
bring money and cleavage
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
