who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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