You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My hand turned me down
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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