you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
