some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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