They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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