Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
