I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
MIDGETS
????
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
