i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Swine flu. Run for my life!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you never un-have a 4some
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
