; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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