Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
