Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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