He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
there's paper in my vomit.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
