just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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