R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
