He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
