you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
