dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
