Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
