Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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