you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
