By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
