and i looked up. we had an audience...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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