she smelled like a LAN party
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
